Contradiction of the day

Wednesday.
Number of roommates sleeping here: two
Number of beers in the fridge: one
Number of months that the same Corona has been in the back corner of the fridge: 13

Since I've been on Earth the least amount of time, people assume that I don't have my paw on the pulse of pop culture. But I do. Oh I do. And I'm the first to call out when someone has misrepresented hip trends with his or her interpretation of fashion, music or style. And so from time to time I will bring you the Contradiction of the Day, where someone or something has slapped something known as innovative and culture-creating with a healthy dose of what-the-hell?!.

Today's contradiction: flat-assed chicks who wear Nelly's Apple Bottom jeans.

Apple Bottoms are supposed to curve around ample rear ends like blue Saran Wrap--even Oprah Winfrey touted them as her favorite pair of jeans a few years back. They make butts look tight, taught, touchable. The apple design stitched on the pockets are supposed to entice ooglers to take a bite. But how can you take a bite of something that's not even petite, but downright flat?

I witnessed a twentysomething upper east side preppie wearing white AB capris and a Polo Shirt, carrying her Dior purse and wearing Havaianas. The back view was as flat as day old soda. Nothin jiggled but the nickels in her wallet. Nothing is enticing about a saggy booty in AB's.

Any butt-appreciating bloke will tell ya, if she ain't got back, she can put the Apple Bottoms back on the rack.