Crime

I was molested.

Yes, tonight, just outside of Washington Mutual and down the street form Carmine's, I was grabbed and fondled in plain sight.

A man, about 40 years old with grey hair and a bad sweater, and his companion, a tall, blonde, curly haired woman, made a boozy exit from AIX, and Upper West Side bar. And instead of pouring themselves into a cab so they could speed home and pour themselves all over each other in their bedroom, the male companion decides to pour himself all over me.

"THAT'S THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD!!!!" he exclaims, startling Bee.

I hear whistles, and like a good doggie, I come when called. But I had no idea I would be pawed and kissed like a prostitute in Pretty Woman.

For a good five minutes, this strange man kissed me (on the mouth), rubbed my stomach, my toes, my butt (!), and talked to me in chirpy sweet nothings, while his companion and Bee looked on in complete awe.

"He always does this," she explained.

And he hasn't been arrested?!

I finally freed myself once a pack of Shih Tzus walked by and was able to cry out for help. They shimmied up to the man to divert his attention, while Bee and I ducked down the street.

Ugh. I need a shower.