Who ordered porn?

Another mystery clouds our humble residence:

Bee took a careful look at our cable bill before paying it Wednesday night. She looked at the charges: $102 for the basic cable package with five premium channels and DVR, another $10 each for two extra cable boxes, plus $7 or so in taxes. But at the bottom of the bill where they list the pay-per-view movies purchased for $3.95 each, Bee saw something shocking.

On May 24, someone ordered two Adult Video on Demand packages within six minutes of each other, for a whopping $23.88.

Who in the hell would order porn on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend? At 5:10 in the morning, and again at 5:16 AM?

Bee called Time Warner, and asked for the charges to immediately be taken off of her bill. but instead of the agent looking at her past billing patterns and immediately recognizing that it must have been mistakenly added to her bill, he said:

"Ma'am, we're going to have to pass your inquiry along to our Pay Per View investigative team, to track exactly when the packages were purchased and from which cable boxes in your home."

Are you kidding me?" Bee exclaimed. "You can look at our bills from the past six years and know that nobody has ever purchased porn ever since i've had the account! Why do you have to launch and investigation into whether or not we ordered these!! And who in the hell would order two porn channels within six minutes?!?!?"

"Sorry, ma'am, it's our standard procedure."

"Well, when can I expect to hear from someone?" Bee asked.

"Probably within two days."

Two days later, no one called.

Bee called this morning, and spoke to someone else in customer service that was able to credit the money for the porn back to her account, but the credit won't show up until the next bill. Which means Bee still has to pay for the porn charged to the current bill. Porn she never ordered.

Damn Time Warner.