Cookoff!

MMM. The first 'cue of the season, the Summer Jump Off. And it was a doozy-- the most booze- and beef-filled party I've attended during my residency here. Instead of the monotonous play-by-play (door buzzes, people arrive, eating, drinking, talking, eating, drinking, drinking, drinking, eating, drinking, stumbling home) I'll rank key elements on a five-star scale:


Food: 4
Solid showing by O., Bee's guy friend, who cooked up some tasty beef and chicken kebos marinated in a garlic soy sauce and topped with basil; soy-and mayonnaise-marinated chicken sandwiches; and beef burgers topped with New York cheddar and romaine. I ate like a queen. I also was feeling bloated by 8 PM. Must have been all that soy.


Drink: 3
Beer. Wine. No special drinks. No martinis. Somewhat lazy. But there was good beer and wine, so I shouldn't complain. And why should I? it's not like I--BURP!--drank any....

Decor: 4
Bee and Dee's boyfriend-slash-sixth-roommate London Fling spent three hours cleaning, landscaping and arranging furniture before guests arrived. It's good to have a man about the house who can help with heavy lifting and replace high hanging lightbulbs. Loved the new tiki torches. Nice add, Bee.

Music: 3.5
Late start--Bee had to arrange proper party mix. A bit more hip-hop than I'd have liked, but Bee had to satisfy all partygoers. Couldn't blast Erick Morillo for five hours without a riot.



Ambiance: 3
People mingling. Bee dancing. Friends slurring their words around 9. Cool.
But there was NO making out, NO unauthorized sex on anybody's bed and NO inappropriate fondling under the table. You see this guy? He should have a pair of legs wrapped around his waist!! Or he should at least be reaching for a lady's bare knee in a dark corner of the patio! Instead he gingerly sips his Amstel light and makes polite conversation with guests.

What kind of Summer Jump Off was this supposed to be?!

I woulda thought sappy, Puppy Love-drunk London Fling and Dee would have snuck off downstairs for a quickie. But no....

The most action that went on was tipsy Bee's half-assed flirting with O's promoter friend Jey, who arrived late and seemed more interested in the chicken breast sandwiches than Bee's perky bosoms.

Granted, all had a good time, even though no one did anything scandalous and therefore produced no fodder for repeated mockery for months to come. But I knew I should have invited Louis, that Frenchie from down the street. Then at least one roommate could have bragged about all of the heavy petting that went down at the Summer Jump Off.