Happy effing holidays

Goodness. Bee tells me we'll be packing up for another trip to the Midwest on Thursday. This is good and bad for two reasons.

One, she owes me. She left me here multiple days on end to fend for myself as she's been galavanting from holiday parties to dinners to drinks to other nighttime appointments for the last two weeks. There was only one day last week she came home sober, and I'm not one to gossip (heh), but I could have sworn that she carried her underwear in her purse last Thursday, meaning they must have come off of her body at some point. But who took the panties off of Bee? I have no idea.

I mean, good tidings and all, but damn. It's about time she brought her happy ass home to spend quality time with me.

Also, I'm excited that the growth on my ass and my ear infections have both cleared up in a week's time. Means I'm in good condition to fly.

But on the flip side, Bee already has me dressed in silly Christmas attire ( a simple red collar), but there's no telling what she'll parade me around in once we get to Michigan! I'm expecting itchy wool sweaters with reindeer complete with swiggly eyes and felt antlers glued to the back, knitted by Bee's mother's neighbors. Ick.

Also, that lesbian Trinity is going to be all over me. She hasn't seen me since the summer, and I'm sure she hasn't gotten laid by the neighbor's male dog since then. I might need that itchy sweater to protect my goodies from getting sniffed after all.

A vacation out of the city will be nice, though. I hear they've got snow in the midwest, too. Makes it look a lot more like Christmas than the 60 degrees and sunshine we've had here for the last couple of days.

Pass the eggnog.