Vacation

Most people notify their bosses, readers, boyfriends and acquaintences BEFORE they go on vacation, but when do you know me to be traditional?

Sorry for my dissappearance last week, but I have been out on vacation since last Saturday. But I brought pics from my travels!! Give me a minute and I'll upload them. With commentary.

It will be worth the wait.

Cee. Bee. Dee.

Oh. my. gosh.

Bee thinks that my black coat somehow packs its own air conditioning unit. She also believes it has an automatic sensor that sends blasts of cold air to my ass when the temperature hits over 85 degress. She's also convinced it's solar powered.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG, BITCH!

If you don't leave the air conditioning on tomorrow during the day while you're at work..I. will. die.

Die.

It's effing hot. I don't care how much the gas bill is. Keep the air on blast for me. I promise not to crap in your closet if you do.

In other news, Cee is out saving lives in New Orleans again. That girl is a hustler, I must say. She does a ton of work, gets some action (see yesterday's Blind Items) , then leaves to go save the lives of those affected by Hurricane Katrina. Amazing.

Bee and Ei are just working. Bo--ring.
Dee's just getting action. La--zeee!! ( I keed, I'm just jealous because I haven't seen Louis in a week).

Blind Item Guessing Game!

Which roommate was spotted with a male acquaintance around midnight last night? The roommate had been holed up in her room all day doing work, but then made it out for dinner with her doctor beau, who leaves for London at the end of the month....

Which roommate told an acquaintance of hers that he's responsible for the prosperity of her underarms? The friend mistook her comment about how vital he was to her professional development.

Which roommate did not come home last night? (always a fun one to throw in there!)

Answers to come...

Injuries

I have what I think Bee recognized as a hotsore on my left rear leg. I can't keep scratching and gnawing on it. It's making it so much worse. Argh!

It's because of my skin that I haven't been writing so much in the last week. I'm sorry. but you haven't missed much. Bee is still stressed out at work and eating and drinking too much, Cee is still partying with hot Latin boys, Dee is chilling with London Fling and Ei is studying.

More later, once my leg heals.

Hiatus

Okay, it's been a bleeeeach week. I've got an infection on my leg that won't go away , and now it has spread to my face. Bee is putting antibacterial ointment on it, which I have even more itching to lick. But she keeps yelling at me every time I do so, so I'll try to refrain.

Poor Bee. I think she's depressed about her birthday coming up on July 4. I don't know why, though. She's got great friends, a great apartment, an awesome job....ME!!!! I mean, what more does she want?

I know what she wants:

1.) Millions of dollars.
2.) A boyfriend.

Well, neither one can I pick up at Bloomie's for a last minute gift, so she better make do with a few licks and some cuddling on the couch. Dee might be able to give her, like, $50 in a card, but nothing close to millions. As for boyfriends, maybe she'll loan out London Fling for a quickie? Doubt it.

Oh, Bee. Don't worry, my dear. You'll have plenty to celebrate come the Fourth. Good food, as you know your admirers will take you someplace tasty. And good music, since you know Dee's probably reserving your table at Guest House as we speak. As much as you talk about being fat, we all know you're not.

You've got great family and friends, a job and a roof over your head. Nuff said. I'm going to bed now.

Tuesday

Number of roommates sleeping here: three
Number of roommates that paid rent for June last weekend: five
Number of beers in the fridge: one
Number of bottles of wine on kitchen counter, opened: two
Number of hamburger buns left over from barbecue: five
Number of boxes of burgers left in freezer from barbecue: three none
Number of ears of corn left over from barbecue: six frozen, one in the fridge


I love having a man in the house. Today , London Fling took me out for a walk when he got home, around 6:30. Had I waited for Bee, I probably would have peed on her brand new rug that's near the patio door. Then she would have evicted me. Not good, because I like it here.

Plus, the man lets me sit on his lap, and he lets me sit on his lap on the couch, just like Dee (not like Bee, who doesn't allow me up).

In other news, 28 more days until Bee's b-day. She's sent out phone calls to associates demanding they either clear their calendars for the last week in July, or book fabulous dinner reservations for one-on-one dinners. Good Lord. I though this was the girl who's always walking around saying how fat she is.

Perhaps if she laid off the indulgent meals, she wouldn't have a problem. Hmph.

The Countdown Begins

It's exactly one month until Bee's birthday, July 4th. Since her birthday is not just on a holiday but on America's Holiday—the day celebrating the country's independence—Bee does it big.

Most employees and every student I know gets the day off for the Fourth. But when Bee was a kid, she never had huge birthday parties because all of her friends were at camp, traveling or she herself would be out of town, unable to have a block party with her neighbors. To make up for lost time, she takes license to celebrate for three weeks around her b-day, often having several parties and dinners to accommodate those who travel for the holiday.

Bee schedules several huge club gatherings on the weekends sandwiching the Fourth, then small-ish dinners on the days between such weekends. Then usually, casual acquaintances will take her out for lavish lunches to make up for not attending either the dinners or the club outings.

Calls to the newest restaurants and clubs have been made. It's a celebration, y'all. Get ready.

June

It's raining. It's been raining all week. I thought this was supposed to be summer? I feel like I'm in a rain forest.

Anyway, the roomies are all hibernating in their respective caves for the evening, save for Cee who will brave the elements to go to some bar in midtown. I suspect a bunch of well-to-do Latins will be there.

Hmm, must be a casual gathering. I smell CK One perfume wafting from her room. For Cee, it's an above average scent, but not the primetime Chanel No. 5 she pulls out for high wattage events.

I must share a funny tidbit I overheard today. Cee and Bee were talking about work, and Cee informed us that she would be going to India for a research trip next month. Cool, right?! She's totally stoked.

"Yeah, but of course I told my mother and the first thing she said was, 'But you don't like Indian food! What will you eat?'" Cee said, chuckling.

"The second thing she was worried about was the danger over there. She worried about me going to Peru, too. She said, "what about the violence? What about the kidnapping?'

Cee put her hand on her hip. "I said, 'Mom, we're Columbian.'"

Bee and Cee laughed, acknowledging that Cee is from a country known to be a hotbed for crime, kidnapping and drug warfare.

"I have to remind my mom that we're from danger!" Cee explained.