Hung over

What a holiday. Thank goodness we're almost home.

Earlier this week we went to Bee's sister's house to help celebrate Bee's parents' anniversary. If you thought dealing with Lesbian Trinity sounded rough, Bee's two young nephews rubbing your belly, pulling your ears, tugging your tail and dragging you by a too-tight leash around the basement is much worse.

At least this time Lessie T. would have to come with me. I wouldn't have to bear all of that doting toddler attention by my lonesome.

But once we got there, my partner in crime left me hanging. Trinity went scurrying for her life under the kitchen table, attempting to hide from prying sticky fingers of Bee's nephews. They pounced on us. They squeezed out noses. I tried to stay on Bee's Dad's lap for as long as I can, sitting up too high for the boys to grab me. But Dad would put me down after two minutes, and molesting would ensue.


After four hours, Bee finally told the boys to give us a rest. We slept until Friday.

Wish list

Being that it's Christmas Eve, and just a few days before my Second birthday (or Fourteenth birthday in dog years), I thought I'd share with you my Wish List. I've browsed through my favorite doggie catalogues and found a few things I fancy. None of them will crimp Bee's wallet too much—she'll still be able to afford that trip to Miami in February:



This is the Patch Parka jacket from Trixie and Peanut (aka Henry Bendels for doggies). It would be great for me to wear when trolling New York streets on those cold January mornings. My old coat is cashmere lined, bit the velcro fasteners need to be restitched. I'll be cute and cozy when I see that hot Louie from down the street. $49.



If the jacket doesn't come, then I'll take this sporty vest instead. It may be better for me because I can see the hood on the full-sized jacket not being able to cover my head since my big ass ears would probably stick out. Also available at Trixie and Peanut. $25




And then there's always this fabulous bed. Bee has made me sleep on her old pillows since I was a year old, but now that I'm turning two on the 28th, I think I deserve an upgrade. This bed is royal, yet not too stuffy. Very cosmopolitan. $69; target.com



Finally, I need a new collar. One that goes with all of the outerwear that I hope to receive during the holidays, but also can look flashy enough on its own. I think the orange is a nice , unique color. And it will look awesome against my black, shiny coat. $25; puppiesandbabies.com

Hope Santa can find me here in the boondocks of Michigan.

December 23

Number of roommates sleeping at home right now: one (Ei)
Number of roommates eating cookies right now: four
Number of boyfriends of roommates that are in the doghouse for not providing adequate Christmas gifts: luckily, none
Number of times Bee's mother has threatened to throw me out for peeing on her rug: 17
Number of times a day Bee lets me run off-leash around her parents yard: twice

We's in the country. Nothing but squirrels, bugs and birds to entertain us.

Unsurprisingly, Bee's mom's dog, Trinity, has been humping me ever since I walked in Thursday morning. I've tried throwing her against the washer and dryer, but that wiry Shih-Tzu is quick! She fights like a Doberman. She's got me all sweaty from sparring, I'm going to need another shower even though Bee just gave me one.

At least there's good food and awesome treats here. Bee's mom is a big fan of the barbecue flavored rawhide. Can't get that at home.

I've eaten, I've played. Now it's time for a nap.

Happy effing holidays

Goodness. Bee tells me we'll be packing up for another trip to the Midwest on Thursday. This is good and bad for two reasons.

One, she owes me. She left me here multiple days on end to fend for myself as she's been galavanting from holiday parties to dinners to drinks to other nighttime appointments for the last two weeks. There was only one day last week she came home sober, and I'm not one to gossip (heh), but I could have sworn that she carried her underwear in her purse last Thursday, meaning they must have come off of her body at some point. But who took the panties off of Bee? I have no idea.

I mean, good tidings and all, but damn. It's about time she brought her happy ass home to spend quality time with me.

Also, I'm excited that the growth on my ass and my ear infections have both cleared up in a week's time. Means I'm in good condition to fly.

But on the flip side, Bee already has me dressed in silly Christmas attire ( a simple red collar), but there's no telling what she'll parade me around in once we get to Michigan! I'm expecting itchy wool sweaters with reindeer complete with swiggly eyes and felt antlers glued to the back, knitted by Bee's mother's neighbors. Ick.

Also, that lesbian Trinity is going to be all over me. She hasn't seen me since the summer, and I'm sure she hasn't gotten laid by the neighbor's male dog since then. I might need that itchy sweater to protect my goodies from getting sniffed after all.

A vacation out of the city will be nice, though. I hear they've got snow in the midwest, too. Makes it look a lot more like Christmas than the 60 degrees and sunshine we've had here for the last couple of days.

Pass the eggnog.

Sicko

So Bee and I are sick. She took me to the vet on Friday because I've had this growth on my ass for about three weeks. It looked like I was growing another tail! Bee thought it would go away; instead it hardened, started bleeding, scabbed over, and opened up again. Once the scab fell off, Bee figured it was time to get it checked out.

Once we went to the vet, we found out that I had two ear infections. On top of that, Bee herself had another strain of a sinus infection. So we've both been sitting on the couch all weekend.

It was fun getting some quality time with Bee, however the beatch did hog the couch most of the time. Sunday we both felt good enough to go on three walks. By Monday, we should be back at the dog run. Or in Bee's case, the gym.

Cost to Bee to get better:

One pack Airborne: $6
One pack Advil: $5
One pack Ricola throat drops: 99 cents
Two packs Daily C vitamins: $2
One pack Theraflu: $6
Total: $20


Cost for Lucy to feel better:
One antibiotic for ear drops: $20
One antibacterial cream for growth on tail: $22
One oral antibiotic for growth on tail: $20
One test to see what growth is from: $110
One skin graft to test for allergies: $44
One antibacterial shampoo: $20
Doctor's fee : $80
One test for ear infections : $80
Total: nearly $400

Yea. Guess Bee won't be paying the electric bill this month.

No more boys

Though my time with Arn is over, I may be seeing more of him. Rumor has it the poor guy just lost his job. Bee said he could take on dog walking duties if he wanted to travel to the Upper West Side from Murray Hill every day (damn, we just hired a dog walker that I actually enjoy spending time with!!) He declined, though promised to make regular visits if Bee tempted him with beer.

She agreed.

I also came back with an unsightly growth on my bum. Larger than a pimple, but not itchy or bothersome. Arn noticed it started bleeding once I scratched at it at his place, but since then it has since hardened. My perfect, felshy bottom is now blemished.

I'll really never get a date at the dog park now.

Supposedly I'm going to the vet this week to get it checked out. Does anyone know what it could be?