Date?

What's this I hear about Bee having a date with some guy on Thursday?

According to my eavesdropping, she met some Spanish dude at Cee's birthday party two weeks ago. The guy danced with Bee all night, but didn't ask for her number when they left.

Cee, however, gave Bee's number to the guy anyway, and he called Bee on Monday. Bee is stoked, but nervous. The Spanish Dude is very smart (supposedly he saves lives electronically for a living, according to Cee). He's also cute, but not in a hot and beefy--TYPICALLY BEE'S TYPE--sort of way.

Ah, FINALLY a departure from meatheads! This could be good!

In other news, Bee and Dee are going to a phat Super Bowl party on Sunday at some high end restaurant with some high-end NFL football players and their high-end fans/agents/lawyers.

Dee's getting her highlights done right before the party. Bee's having everything shaved. Just in case.

63 degrees

Woke up this morning and thought it was May. I took a step outside without shivering for the first time in months. No snow, no rain, no brisk wind. Just sunshine shining on my snout nose.

Lovely.

Oh, wait, it's supposed to rain all week? Great. At least I got Monday to scamper about on the patio while the roomies were gone.

On to gossip:

Aye is reportedly back in town wanting to stop by to pick up her mail. Bee has answered her e-mail and phone requests with one word answers. "Sure." "Cool." "Tonight."

Cee recently split with her Spanish boyfriend, stating that she wasn't that into him anymore. She loves him, but he wants babies and marriage. She wants bottle service at Marquee. It's just a shift in priorities.

Dee, meanwhile, is back at the hotel with the London Fling. She made the ever so brief appearance over the weekend, long enough to shower and repack her suitcase. Rumor has it they actually did stay the night, but Bee--nor I--didn't spy evidence to support that.

And Ei, meanwhile, is in shock and awe over her latest cell phone bill totaling $497. Damn, that's a lot of calls to Tel Aviv.
She requested a payment plan to pay off her overages.

But then she called her friend to explain the news. During peak hours. Argh.

Louis

Ha! I finally saw Louis on the street today after three months. He's gotten beefy, looks like he's been working out.

He's also gotten more outgoing, or maybe he finally realized that I am destined to be his soul mate. He FLIRTED with me on the street, nearly knocking down his owner to get a whiff of my rear end.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Now if I can get Bee to take me out at the same time every day --7:30ish during the week, 10:30 on weekends--then our feelings will have time to flourish. Damn being on time for work, Bee!!

There are more important goals at hand.

Just one more beer

It's funny how I am allowed to chill in the house all day, yet the cage still sits assembled in Bee's room. I say sell it, or toss it with the rest of the trash! I no longer need such confined quarters!!!!

Anyway, on with the topics you REALLY want to know about:
Number of roommates sleeping here: three
Number of opened bottles of wine in the house: two
Number of bottles of champagne in the house: two
Number of wine glasses:40 (damn! we expecting company?)
Number of men who have called Bee in the last five days: none
Number of men who have called Cee in the last five days: five
Number of pairs of boots Bee owns: five
Number of pairs of boots Bee owns and loves: one

Number of hours I've slept since Wednesday: twenty

Monday

Number of roommates sleeping here: two
Number of girls sleeping here: four
Number of pairs of knee high boots sitting on the dog crate:three
Number of people sleeping in Bee's bed: two
Number of hours of sleep Bee will get tonight if she's lucky: three

Number of times Bee has cursed the existence of the NDN: 1,072

Celebration

Cee turned thirty yesterday. She threw a huge party downtown and invited all of the roomies to attend.

(If Aye were still living here, Cee would have sent out a private invitation to Bee and Dee, and Bee and Dee would have had to lie about where they were going to Aye. Then the two would meet up outside of the apartment to go to the party. Too much drama back then. It's nice now that every single roommate wants to be in the company of each other.)

Knowing that Cee has hot Latin friends, Bee, Dee and Ei made sure to dress up. All three Saran Wrapped themselves in skin-tight black dresses, and the crew (with the London Fling and a friend of Ei's from Israel in tow) hopped in a cab downtown.

While the crew danced to salsa and reggeton at the party, I cured up in my corner of the living room to catch a nap. But I got lonely around 2 AM, and decided to take my frustrations out by pooping in front of Cee's door. Don't know why I act so selfish sometimes.

The crew thumped in around 5 AM. Bee was first--although I heard she wasn't expected home after spending the entire party canoodling with a hot Spaniard (no digits, no kiss. WHAT THE EFF, BEE!!!!! KEEP DROPPING THE BALL AND YOU'LL BE A VIRGIN FOREVER!!!) She was not too happy to clean up my mess in her inebriated condition.

Rumor has it I will be relegated to my cage all day Monday. DAMN! I was just trying to show how much I missed everyone....

Dee and Ei meanwhile, rolled in after Dee held Ei's hair back and rolled down the window in the cab as Ei-- who has been living in our apartment just five days --drank too much and got sick on the way home. Way to assimilate, Ei.

Cee rushed in quickly after to thank everyone for attending, but didn't say anything about the smell of Lysol and dog poop that lingered in the air. Everyone finally plunked down in bed just after 5:15 after a collective zinger of an evening.

Harmony, happiness, and unity. Ah, there's a clear shift in the energy in this apartment.

Stitches

Bee receives the following e-mail at work Wednesday morning:

To: Bee
From: Dee
re: did you hear us come in yesterday AM?
Date: 1/18/06

Did you hear us come in at 6 AM Tuesday? Got my foot stuck in a subway grate and fell flat on my face. Next thing I know I'm in the ER. Have glue stitches under eye. London Fling had to bring me home, but returned to his hotel later.

Bee replies:

To: Dee
From: Bee
Re:Re:did you hear us come in yesterday AM?

WHAT!!!!!!
OMG!!!! Are you okay, do you need anything? Can I help? Will you be able to go out on Saturday?

And now, my two cents:

To: Dee
From: Me
Re:Re:Re:did you hear us come in yesterday AM?

You drink too much.

Welcome, Ei!

Yes, that's right. Ei moved in this morning, replacing Crazy Aye, who vacated last night.

On her way out, Aye left three things of note: the huge Weber propane grill that she won through accumulating membership points on a credit card; a bottle of Ramsay Pinot Noir from California that she stored in the closet, away from the thirsty hands of her other roommates (for shame if that bottle were mistaken for a bottle of Cee's Rioja); and three, a huge unopened gift box of Grey Goose vodka and two martini glasses.

Meanwhile, Aye made sure she took four half-opened bottles of assorted liquors and her used barbecue utensils from the kitchen. If it were me, I would have had more priority to take the things listed above.

In other news, I may have lost my Monday babysitter. Bee, after becoming friendly with the Next Door Neighbor for a whole week straight (the two even exchanged phone numbers), has declared him off limits again. Her reason had something to do with the fact that he called her to get together Friday night and then bailed, so now he is no longer trustworthy. I can't blame her.

Although I wanted to hang out with his dog some more. Sucks being here all by myself on Mondays. At least this Monday is a holiday.

Finally, Dee's London Fling arrives tonight. YEAH!! I like him. He lets me kiss him--on the mouth--and jump on him and play and be my adorable lil' self.

Ei, who will have been here all of twelve hours, better sleep with earplugs in tonight so as not to hear those bedposts rocking.

One more day

till Aye is out of here. Her boxes are packed and Bee's Verve Cliquot is in the refrigerator.

Cee ran out to get fireworks. Dee ordered a Bon Voyage cake that Bee, Cee and her will devour for Saturday brunch.

Cee has stopped acknowledging Aye's existenece--in the apartment, and on Earth. Cee has spent only one night here since last week. She feels like the air is rancid here with Aye still breathing it.

Bee just wants to sleep in her room and forget all about it.

One more day....

More Blind Item answers!

So Dee pointed out that she was the only roommate to get called out in the Blind Item guessing game.
She felt at least one more should get tagged.

So fine, I'll give out another. Which roommate has never brought a man to the apartment?

Why, silly, that should be easy to figure out.

The only one who walks on four legs...:)

Blind Item answers!

Ha, you wish! That's the fun behind the game, my dear. You're not getting a peep from me.

Alright, I'll give you one. Dee's got the vibrators. I know because once I was looking for crumbs under her bed and I stumbled upon them. When I dragged one out to the common area, she turned beet red and ripped it from my mouth.

Tasted like chicken.

I'M KIDDING!!! That didn't happen. But she still owns the vibrators.

Blind item guessing game!

Yes , that's right kids, just like they do in the New York Post's Page Six, we're going to play a little Blind Item guessing game:

Which all but virginized roommate actually got some this weekend? The roomie not only slept out Saturday night, but spent Sunday night in her suitor's lair as well.

Which roommate owns three vibrators?

Which roommate does not know how to have discrete sex? Every time she brings a guy over, my cage starts rattling from her moans.

Which roommate is way too smart to have sex in the apartment for fear that her antics could end up on this very blog? She also does way more than get naked with her BF, it's probably what keeps the relationship so enriched.

Which roommate has never brought a man to the apartment?

Annoyed

So I'm thankful that Aye released me from my prison around three this afternoon. Seems like she's been trying to make good with Bee after that explosion of a fight before Christmas.

Whatever.

Nevertheless, Bee's is fuming because by the sounds of the music booming from Aye's room, Aye has ripped every single song off of Bee's iTunes. Now Bee can hear her entire digital jukebox blaring from downstairs.

Hey, if Aye would have ripped Coldplay or some other generic top 40's pop tunes, it would have been fine. But Bee has particular house music anthems that she listens to as she gets ready to go out. And to hear them associated with Aye has caused that vein above Bee's left eye to pulsate.

Ugh.

In other news, Dee finally arrived home after a grueling work week. Now I will have someone to feed me people food, while Bee will have someone to cit on the couch and watch CSI with.

Bee's already popping the popcorn.

Wednesday

Number of roommates sleeping here: two (argh! Me and Bee, alone here with Aye!! With no one to protect us!! NO ONE!!!!)
Number of roommates that will be over the age of 25 come Jan. 14: four
Number of roommates that will be over the age of 25 come Jan. 15: three
Number of times the Next Door Neighbor has asked when he's babysitting me but has not come through: five
Number of times Bee has cursed his name: 79
Number of dollars spent at Gourmet Garage to support Bee's Holiday Detox program, inspired by "The Biggest Loser": 35

So the roomies finally picked a roommate today. They settled on a 24-year-old student from Europe, who will ironically be referred to in this online diary as Ei. Funny, that's the next letter in the alphabet. I do not make this stuff up.

This girl seemed to be sweet enough. She starts working at the end of her term, and has tons of family support (read:money) to pay her bills. I liked her. She seems like she'll be a laid back girl. More than I can say for the current occupant of that room. A bit on the young side though. There better not be any mention of kegs, spring break or Sutton Place from her, or else....immediate eviction.

In other news, Dee did not come home before I went to asleep. But just when I though Dee might have been scandalous and cheated on her London Fling, she scooted in around midnight. Seems she was working late.

Dee, please come home earlier. I miss you. I don't like you working these crazy hours for the man. Plus, Bee needs protection from Aye.

Please. Thanks.

Resolutions

I resolve to not bite any of Bee's shoes.
I resolve to not jump on Bee's guests.
I resolve to not run around the house before 7 AM.

I resolve to sleep with that hot Louie from down the street. I resolve to, in fact, hump any dog if that means Bee will get some play, too.


We're three days into 2006, and I'm doing well on the first three. I haven't seen Louie since October, however. I feel like my chances are slim. For both Bee and I.

Sheet.