Dee

Sunday, 6:17 PM, Sagamore Hotel, Miami

Knock at the door.
Bee and Dee stop dancing, friends turn down music.
Bee's friend A. opens door. A boy, 12 years old with Down Syndrome says hello. Asks to speak to "the girls".

Girls turn and walk towards door.

Boy asks to speak to Dee.

Dee goes to the door.

Boy says, "okay, I just need her."

All turn away and close the door, leaving Dee outside with the kid.

Bee opens the door.

Hears boy tell Dee, "I love you and I want to kiss you."

Dee says, "Me? Just me?"

"Yes."

"Not her?" points to Bee.

"No, you."

"Okay."

Kid reaches in for the kiss. He grabs Dee, wraps his spindly arms around her and opens his brace mouth wide. Dee turns her head to avoid the kid's lips, but he strains, grabs, pulls and attempts to plant a wet one on her mouth.

He misses and hits her cheek.

Dee cringes. "Okay. Good enough."

"Yeah." Kid runs off.

All sit in hotel room in shock.

I guess I would be in shock, too, if a handicapped kid knocked on my hotel room to snatch a kiss. Now Dee will have to confess to London Fling that she cheated on him.

Cliff notes from Miami

All I heard about the Miami trip so far:

--Dee kised a retarded boy.
--Bee kissed a guido, and was retarded herself for not slipping him the tongue.
--Dee and Bee danced for 15 hours a day,with no stimulants save for Red Bull and coffee.
--Dee and Bee are going to see Erick Morillo in a week because they just couldn't get enough of him while in Miami.

I assume there's more, but the two fell asleep the second they got home. I'll have to get the real juicy dirt tonight.

E-mail

Exchanged at the office, four days beofre Miami vacation:

-----Original Message-----
From: Bee
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 4:30 PM
To: Dee
Subject: RE: it is cold here,


FYI--
On a can of Red Bull , it says:

Red Bull: sugar free, low calorie
Improves performance, especially during times of increased stress or strain.
Increases concentration and improves reaction speed.
Stimulates the metabolism.

That's why those movie stars drink it by the gallon. But in my convenience corner in our lobby, a can costs $3.
Coffee is .95.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dee
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 4:30 PM
To: Bee
Subject: RE: it is cold here

ok- i'm on nothing but redbull till saturday.
Sure- i'll have the shakes, see crosseyed and probably have an ulcer the size of texas in my stomach. But by gosh i'll by skinny!!!


Anything to maintain a bikini worthy body.

Monday

Number of days until Miami: four

Number of roommates sleeping here: three
Number of roommates sitting in front of computer: two
Number of CDs listened to while rearranging apartment last night: 10
Number of hot tracks from 1999: 34
Number of dollars Bee spent on healthy groceries so she doesn't fall off the wagon four days before her vacation: 35
Number of dollars Dee spent on healthy groceries Sunday night so she doesn't fall off the wagon four days before her vacation: 28

I kinda like the new arrangement. It puts the red velvet couch (may favorite!) right in front of the television. Now when Bee is watching CSI, I can see what's going on.

Meanwhile, Cee has another suitor trailing her hot Cuban ass. This one is a smartie pie finance dude whom she met on the plane returning from the South. He was seated in first class, as was she. As Cee went to the washroom and returned, he invited himself to sit down next to her a few rows back from his assigned seat. They chatted, exchanged phone numbers, and have been on two dates since last Tuesday.

How in the world does she do it? How can she woo men over with one shake of her long red hair?

Bee should sign up for lessons, stat.

Rearranging

So the roommates rearranged the furniture after talking about grouping the upstairs common room into "areas" for two years. But in the midst of defining these new areas--one for eating, one for TV watching, one for greeting guest as they enter the apartment--they seem to have forgotten MY area. That's right, my little nook next to the couch where I snuggle my head for about six hours a day and rest.

My area has been ovetaken by a new cherry wood side table. Am I supposed to snuggle next to the wooden legs or find another cozy spot to sleep? Does this give me more reign to sneak in a nap on the couch when no one's here now that my spot has been taken away?

I know it's all my fault that this eagerness to rearrange started--not only did I ruin the area rug because my collar kept snagging it, I got PISSED at Bee for never coming home, and I tore up her beloved velvet red couch.

It was wrong, I admit it, but she ALWAYS goes out and never takes me!!!!!!WAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!Gosh, I haven't seen any of my friends for, like, two months, and she's been gallivanting all around NYC, not even bringing back a HUMAN friend for me to play with.

Selfish bitch.

I guess I better be on my best behavior from now on, I don't think Bee's in the mood to buy another couch.

In other gossip, six more days until Bee and Dee's Miami trip. The two have turned practically anorexic as they prepare to leave. I think Bee said something about no peanut butter until she returns, while Dee stocked up on the fruits and veggies tonight at the grocery store.

Damn. Most people buy some sunscreen and maybe a new pair of underwear when they go away for a few days.

To the point

Number of roommates sleeping here: three (Cee is in the South saving lives again.)
Number of roommates who worked past 8:two
Number of roommates who ordered sushi tonight: one (Dee)
Number of glasses of wine Dee had with dinner: none
Number of glasses of wine Bee had with dinner: two
Number of scoop fulls of peanut butter Bee ate after dinner: four
Number of servings in a 16 oz jar of peanut butter: 15
Number of servings Bee has eaten since she bought the jar on Sunday: eight
Number of pounds Bee could probably lose if she could quit her addiction to peanut butter: 5

Number of doggies who would die if I dared suggested that she put the spoon down, throw out the PB and take me for a long walk: one

Cold shoulder

DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNN!

Bee took me for a quick walk tonight. And just as we turn the corner, guess who we see?

The Next Door Neighbor.

And what did Bee do? She didn't look away, she instead demanded that he looked at her. She stood there and made him look at her.

And he did, sheepishly, and mumbled, "Wassup,"

She looked THROUGH him. She looked directly in his eyes, gave a quick chuckle, and kept walking. It was the coldest stare I have ever seen Bee give, yet it was exactly what he deserved. If there was any consideration of him weaseling back into Bee's life, it was just shot down by that icy stare on the street corner.

On our way back to the apartment, I even took a shit on his doorstep, just for good measure.

Recognize, beatch!!

Spring fling

Number of days until Miami: 13
Number of roommates sleeping here: last night, three, today four
Number of bottles of wine in kitchen:2
Number of bottles of milk: two
Number of electronics Bee has unpacked in the last two days: two
Number of electronics Bee has actually hooked up to their properly assembled state: one

Yesterday was a beautiful day in the city. It must have hit 65 degrees. The doggies were out in force at the dog run. And as expected, Louis, my puppy crush, was also there.

But instead of approaching him and flirting, as I have done for the past year, I let him come to me. I don't know if I was in a crabby mood, or if I had given up chasing him, or if was enjoying the attention from the other two dozen dogs there, but something in me snapped and decided I was going to pay hard to get.

When he walked over to me while I was busy playing fetch with three Labradors, I completely ignored him. He persisted, kissing me, licking me, sniffing my butt, but I wanted nothing to do with him. I left him flat. And I must say, in a sick way I was sort of satisfied when I saw that little sadness in his eye when I wouldn't play with him.

But don't blame my mean nature for my abrupt about face. It seems, according the roommate's assessment, as if I had "pulled a Bee." She, too, is NOTORIOUS for walking away from a guy when she realizes he's really into her. (witness how fast that guy came and went back in October.)

Ah, I get it. Such behavior was passed down from my mother.

I'm sure the next time I see him, I'll flirt with him and make nice. But knowing my luck, and knowing Bee's record for success using this tactic, I probably won't have that chance.

Brits

18 days until Miami...

Rumor has it that London Fling is moving here as of May 1. Imagine, a man to help around the house, install light bulbs, reach the dishes on the high kitchen shelf...

Oh wait, he's not STAYING HERE. Sheet.

Anyway, Dee's elated. They're not moving in together (thank, gosh, 'cause if Lonodn Fling would have taken away my favorite aunt, heads would have rolled), but give it a year, and I'm sure Bee will need to find a new roommate. If she doesn't move out first.

I saw her checking out apartments in Chicago this weekend. Wonder if this is a way of investing in our future. Or instead, an attempt to get rid of, for good, that crappy ass Next Door Neighbor.

Investing

I have noticed a few things about how the girls "invest". I'm not talking about what stocks they pick--as if these girls even HAD portfolios--but rather what items they choose to spend money on, and what items they'll pick up when it's on sale. Funny how much you can read a person from their credit card receipts.

Bee--Will pay top dollar for gym membership, jeans, soy milk, electronics ( she's always an "early adapter" of the latest and greatest computer, iPod, cell phone, etc.). Will pass on purses (she carries the same Coach bag for past three years, bag is ripping at seams and fraying at sides), shoes (will buy one pair per season), home decor (guarantee it will take her a month to buy new rug for living room out of sheer laziness).

Cee--Will pay top dollar for purses, shoes, clothes, makeup, and hair products (anything that enhances her true beauty is, in her opinion, a necessary investment). Will pass on electronics (took her three years to get an iPod, which someone bought for her), groceries (buys from deli, have never once seen her visit Food Emporium to stock up on basics).

Dee--will pay top dollar for jeans, cell phones (the first in the apartment to get the new Motorola Razor), shoes, hair (gets most haircuts and highlights than anyone in apartment, but she also has short blonde hair, which just needs more maintenance). Will pass on purses (several of her best bags were bought at La Calle (fancy name for street vendors), gym membership (opted for New York Sports versus fancy Equinox gym because, as she said once, "I just need a place to sweat for 20 minutes").

Ei--will pay top dollar for wine (good wine with each meal is like having milk with cereal), groceries (must have good stuff from fresh gourmet food shop down the street), bras (she's a double D), sweaters (to make those double D's less noticeable). Will pass on coffee (drinks Sanka or Nescafe instant coffee instead of brewed variety), jeans (have not seen her wear one pair of $300 Earnest Sewns, Citizens or any other ridiculously priced brand. Which is probably a smart move) , hair products (great hair doesn't need salon quality serums).

South Beach

Number of roommates sleeping here: two at last count, one might be here later
Number of tomatoes in the refrigerator: seven
Number of beers in the refrigerator: none
Number of months it has been since there were absolutely no beers in the refrigerator: honestly, there have always been beers in the fridge since I moved in, but Bee tells me it's been something like 15 months.
Number of days until Dee and Bee fly to Miami for Winter Music Conference: 21
Number of bikinis both Dee and Bee must buy before March 25: three

Dude, if there's anything that can boost a girl out of winter doldrums, it's looking forward to a sunny vacation. That takes care of Dee and Bee, but what about the others? Well, Ei is planning a trip back to the beaches of Israel in April, when Cee, I'm sure, will be hitting the Miami scene sometime in April. Cee is a very last minute planner, but I think she'll crack under the winter winds if she doesn't get some sun soon.

As for me, I'm looking forward to Bee's vacation as well, as Cee's friend J. will be babysitting me while Bee's out. That means I get to sleep on the bed!!!People food!!!!! Long walks in Central Park!!!!!!

Ah, I feel like spring is right around the corner....

Thursday

And now it's snowing. And you thought yesterday the roommates were depressed? Today was all-out doldrums.

They even made me want to reach for the bon bons and the sappy movies.

Hopefully this weekend will bring better moods for all. Dee will get some love from the 'rents as she's going home to celebrates her granny's b-day.

Cee will probably get love from some doting hot Latin man. She's always got one on standby.

Ei and Bee will have to fend for themselves. If you have any friends that need some cuddling, holla.

March 1

It's still grey, cold and windy. And no one's moods are any sunnier.

Bee's still bitching about her job, her clothes, gaining five winter weight pounds, and being without a significant other.

Dee's still bitching about her job, her clothes, gaining five winter weight pounds, and being without her significant other, because he lives in London.

Ei is really the only happy one around here. And SHE'S the youngest! Now that I think about it, that's probably why she's the happiest.

You can feel the thick weight of depression in the apartment. Maybe its seasonal. Maybe they're just bitter. Whatever it is, it's starting to affect my chipper mood. Soon, we'll all have to start taking uppers.