Unscathed

I made it through Halloween without having to:

-- wear a costume
--let strangers pet me and coo in my face, saying " what a cute dog!!"
--go with Bee to a dozen Duane Reade's to make sure she had enough candy corn
--see any drunk boys dressed as witches or famouse baseball players spending the night with any of the roommates
--run from trick or treaters
--lick any fake glitter off of Dee's ample boobs.
--eat any candy corn.

Must say, it turned out to be a good day.

The couch

Number of roommates sleeping here: four
Number of magazines on coffee table: six.
Number of magazines of kitchen table: three
Number of magazines on the front foyer table: four
Number of magazines in Bee's room: nine
Number of books being read by roommates: two

On Saturday, Bee raced out the door to a Halloween party wearing her sluttiest. I shouldn't say that because it was actually a cute jumpsuit. She pretended to be a Missy Elliot backup dancer. I don't think she knew where she was going, she just followed the lattest boy crush out with his friends and hoped to get an invitation back to his place after the debachery is done.

Uh, HELLO!!!! What about me??! What about walking me before noon so my little bladder doesn't explode all over your black carpet, missy??!?!

I'm the worst cock block in the world. Heh.

Jazz it up

THE WHITE SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That, my friend , is history. And this Chicago dog is quite happy to see the second city's second team win.

Does this mean I get a trip to the Windy City this weekend?

Ugh, Bee says no. She's got her heart set on dressing me up as a French maid for Halloween. Great, I get to parade down the street in lingerie. What the eff.

Five things

That really piss me off:

1.) Bee can't find a dog walker.
2.) Bee can't befriend the next door neighbor so I can hang out at his house with N., his Marmaduke-like dog.
3.) Aye still lives here.
4.) I don't have another Frenchie to play with during the day.
5.) That crappy natural food Bee keeps feeding me that she thinks is healthy because it's organic.

One day

I saw my crush this evening. Louis. Oh, so soft spoken Louis. Why hasn't he asked me out yet? It must be my outgoing, gregarious personality. Maybe it's offputting for him.

I'm just trying to be FRIENDLY.

Anyway, contradiction of the day: roommates who ask for extensions on paying the bills but go shopping for bottles of wine by the baker's dozen.

That's right. Aye owe Bee about $100 for the October bills. Every month, Aye is always the last to pay, and every month Bee ends up fronting the late fee for the electricity. Aye, who is going to the Jamiroquois concert tonight (tickets $40 each) after buying five bottles of wine on Monday ($50), asked to pay the bills a day after they're due.

Hmm. That vein on Bee's forehead is popping again. Just a few more weeks until we hear if Aye got that job in California.

And to add to that point---my ass sits up in that cage for TWELVE HOURS a day. Why can't that slacker, no cash having hoochie let me roam around the house FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR TO STRETCH MY LEGS!!!???!?!?

Damn.

Overheard this morning

Number of roommates sleeping here: four
Number of roommates who went to work today: three
Number of roommates who were here when the cleaning lady came at 9 AM and still here when she left at 3 PM: one
Number of roommates who hung out with Mayor Bloomberg this evening: one
Number of roommates who have a London Fling visiting them in two weeks: one
Number of roommates who have a New York fling visiting them this week: none

Overheard this morning at 8:58 AM:

Bee, getting ready for a work meeting at 9, flings her shoes on and shoves me in the cage. Dee has already left for work, Cee is working from home in her room, Aye is sitting ont he couch reading Us Weekly. Remember, she has NO JOB.

Aye (walking into Bee's room): Listen to this. Can you believe this article on Katie Holmes being so elated that she's having Tom Cruise's baby? I mean it says she's 'ecstatic' to be a mother! C'mon!
Bee: (silence)
Aye: Isn't that ridiculous?
Bee: (flinging her shoes on, grabbing her coat from the closet, keys from the desk and throws her purse over her shoulder) Uh-huh. (runs past Aye)
Aye: Yeah. (sits back on couch)
Bee: (runs out of the house) Bye!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. GET A JOB!

Bee should be pissed that the one roommate who seems to be allergic to 8 hour work days can't even take me outside for a walk during the day. But God forbid she miss a tanning session at Hollywood's down the block.

Adventures

So many adventures, so little time (to post).

Bee may have found me a place to lay my head that's NOT that stupid crate. She bought me a soft doggie bed so I can sleep out at night.

Not only can I sleep out, Bee and I took a field trip to a boy's house. I slept on the sofa AND got in the human bed for a while. Boy LIKES me!!! And even thought I've been a bit gassy here lately (must be that natural food Bee switched me to), he invited us back.

And I saw something I never thought I'd see...Bee KISSED this boy! In my lifetime I haven't seen her kiss anyone longer than hello. She may even want to CANOODLE with this boy! Maybe she learned a thing from watching me frolic with the local doggies. Maybe it was my action with Louis down the street that got her in the mood for love.

Hey, whatever I can do to help.

Next week will be my first Halloween. Rumor has it that Bee is trying to find me a French maid costume. I don't know if I'll be going to Crobar with the girls this weekend, but I'll look appropriate for the French Bulldog Halloween meetup this Saturday. Maybe Louis can come as Prince Charming. My Prince Charming.

Been Gone for longer than a minute!!

Okay, must admit. Once Bee went to Puerto Rico, I went to into a steep depression. I didn't know her being gone would have such a traumatic effect on me. I had no desire to post any thoughts, desires, news or idle gossip on her roommates. I loved having a babysitter around during the afternoon hours that actually CARED about my well-being, but I still spent most of my last days curled up in a corner near Bee's bed.

But now she back! We've bonded so much since her return, although she's been so stressed out up until Friday night. We even went on a little field trip to a BOY'S HOUSE last night. Brotha had a comfy couch, too. He let me sleep there while he and Bee caught a flick on HBO.

I feel like the heavens have opened again. Will be more frequent with the updates. And, boy, are there plenty.

Build an ark

I can't poop outside without getting soaked. Last night I went to poop in the street and before Bee could kneel down to scoop it up, the river washing along the street's curb washed away the poop, sending it downstream to West Side Highway. It was a marvel.

I've been peeking just a head out to pee these days, since the rain comes down so hard I end up waterlogged. I stick my butt out enough to relieve myself in a spot where I won't offend Bee and come back. Bee is buying the lumber for our ark tomorrow.

Who babysittin'

Number of roommates sleeping here: four
Number of umbrellas in the front foyer area: two
Number of roommates invited to the Cosmo's 50 Hottest Bachelor Party: two
Number of roommates currently in their pajamas at 8:21PM: three
Number of former roommates that are coming back to sleep in the apartment: one

Bee's heading off to Puerto Rico this weekend. This trumps a fabulous week of 12 hour work days and two consistent days in the cage, only paroled long enough to take a poop outside. What the eff.

Supposedly, she's going to have her old roommate, Tee, stay in her room over the time she's gone. That could work! At least I don't have to go off to some kennel. Foreign, cold caged holes in the wall, surrounded by other mangy mutts. I need my space.

So I think maybe, just maybe, Aye may have gotten a job in California and will be moving out in March. The others are already planning the going away party. They're talking four DJs, three kegs, basically a big ol' send off to stress, yelling and other belligerent activity that they've either witness or had to deal with in some legal fashion.

Now maybe I won't be made to feel like a dirty pig once she's gone. Hell, maybe I'll through a party.

I'm causing trouble

I feel like no one like me in the apartment. Everyone is always yelling at me. Don't sit here. Don't touch me. Don't lick me. Don't do this, don't do that.

Closed doors in my face so that I can't go into a bedroom. Pushes away so that I don't get any pats on the head.

Dirty looks as people wash their hands after I merely graze against their hand.

It seemed like such a loving home, seemed like Bee's other three roommates had accepted me as part of the family. And then they backstab me and Bee and make both of us feel like filthy pigs.

"Uh, can you like not have her walk anywhere because there's dog hair on the floor." "Uh, can you disinfect the couch because Lucy sat there."

Bee's head might explode in two point two. I'm going to sit in a corner and take cover so I don't get brains on me. And then, I'm sure, a roommate will come in and ask ME to clean it up.

Rain rain go away!

Contradiction of the day: Doggies who get periods even though they're fixed.

Case in point. Me.

There seems to be this confusion between my ovaries and my uh, goodies. I had surgery that I though prevented me from getting periods. Yet Dee noticed this brownish stuff near my goodies. Unexplainable. I'm not supposed to have a period, right?

I mean, I guess I've been a little moody here lately. I have craved salty foods (Dee's boobies, Cee's feet). And I have been gassier than usual today. But I wasn't expecting a visit from Aunt Flo.

Do I have to call Dr. F and ask for a redo? I mean, they're supposed to get that right the FIRST time. Now Bee won't let me on the couch ever again.

Ugh

Seems like I've been too busy to keep up with my daily postings. A recap of my day:

7 AM--First walk of the day. Sniffed two doggy butts. Laid waste.
7:15--Back to crate for a little mid morning nap while Bee hits the gym.
8:15--Released. Breakfast is continental style organic chicken, lamb and sweet potato puree--hardened into bite-sized nuggets.
9 AM--Back to crate
11 AM--Scratch ears, lick butt. sleep.
1 PM--Still sleeping. Turn over onto side so I can stretch my legs.
3 PM--Lick butt again. Look out patio and wonder why I am not chewing on fern in backyard.
3:30--Aye looks into make sure I'm still alive. Doesn't let me out. Bitch.
4:30--Dee arrives! Releases me from prison. Jump on couch. Lick Dee's boobies . (I'm not a lesbian, but I like the taste of salt on human skin.)
5-7--Wander from kitchen to bedroom to bathroom and plop down on rug for nap. Scurry to kitchen whenever I hear refrigerator door open. Look lovingly at Aye when Chinese food arrives. Bee finally comes home and takes me on walk.
7:15--Walk ten blocks. Was raining, so all of my friends were inside. Come back inside to eat another delectable meal of chicken, lamb and sweet potato.
7:30-11 Cuddle on couch with Bee and Dee while they watch CSI. Pass gas while sitting on Bee's lap.

As you see, I'm a busy girl, and can't always keep up with the postings EVERY day. But no excuses. Didn't mean to keep my fans in suspense. Will report more regularly.

Greenish!

Bee was so nice to buy me a Greenie today. Not nice enough to come home in time for the first repeat of CSI, but still she made arrangements for Dee to walk me. I like walking with Dee, she takes me on a much longer walk than Bee's quickies.

It would be much easier on Bee if Aye would uh, take some time to let me out of the cage before she left for work at eleven and came home at four, but hey, she's busy too. Right?

Um, No.

Monday

Number of roommates sleeping here: four
Number of men who have slept here in the last 48 hours: two
Number of men who were former boyfriends who have slept here in the last 48 hours: one
Number of beers in the fridge: ten (Bee had a barbecue on Sunday)
Number of grills in the backyard: two
Number of grills in our living room: none! thank goodness for Bee's strong male friends!

So we had some Flashback Booty in the house today. I knew I saw a familiar face!!

Dee stayed home from work today because she had "stomach issues." So we got to snuggle al day on the couch and watch bad daytime television. So I'm frolicking in the back when al of a sudden I hear someone coming up the stairs. Dee was still on the couch as we both turned and laid eyes on a boy that we hadn't seen since last fall. It was Aye's ex boyfriend, S.

I was doggone dumbfounded.

Didn't Aye just proclaim her love for some dude she met LAST week while at a party, who then spent the night here before jetting back to California? The same guy that she wanted to have babies with?! And she scraps that fantasy to shack with the unemployed ex-boyfriend?

Lord. Times must be hard.

Meanwhile, the Northwest and Southeast corners of the household (Bee and Dee) seem to be under the weather. All that hard partying has finally caught up with them. How does Cee (who occupies the Southeast side) manage to do it? She goes out every night, wakes up at 8, goes to work, and still has time to canoodle with the man.

Oh right, she naps first!! She gets home around 6 and makes sure to lie down for an hour. Must be why she has such great skin, too.

Works for me. That's why you always catch me on the couch for at least four hours.