That's why!

Remember how I said that Trinity seemed a lot more mellow while Bee and I visited the Midwest Day Spa and Resort? Unfortunately there was a medical reason why.

Bee's mom called in a panic Wednesday morning. "My Poopsie has to have surgery." I have to admit, neither Bee or I recognized who "Poopsie" was referring to off the bat. "Trinity has gallstones."

Bummer! My bad, T, for being so hard on you this weekend. I thought you were just being lazy for not wanting to play fetch with me or wrestle over who would get to sleep in the fluffy doggie bed. I though you were just hot under all of that grey fur. And I thought when you yelped when our leashes accidentally tangled up and I accidentally knocked you off the deck when I went after a tennis ball that you were just exaggerating.

Surgery was Thursday. I hear she's fine.

Good. Because I really like the fluffy doggy bed and don't plan on giving it up so the 'handicapped' dog can rest peacefully. Now that she's all fixed up, homeslice can make due on the floor. What.

Oh, geez. Get well soon.

Summer weight

I went to the vet last Friday, a new one, since my usual New York vet, Dr. Freid, doesn't take patients at the end of the week. 

This vet was either a bit inexperienced, or just new to the office. She didn't know where half of her vaccines were. This made me more nervous than usual. I jumped off of the examining table five feet down to the floor. Twice.

And if I was already skittish about the vet because of her lack of knowledge, this made me even more distant. She told Bee that I was in perfect health, but "she'd like to see me a little leaner."

Oh, no she didn't.

Obviously she is not aware of my vigorous workout routine (5 days a week at the dog run for an hour for intense cardio, plus two low intensity half-hour walks) and my natural kibble diet. OBVIOUSLY she is unaware that I am leaner than most Frenchies and often am complimented on my slimmer bone structure.

Obviously, she's not aware that I have since dropped my winter flab and transformed it into mostly muscle through aforementioned workout and diet plan. 

And most obviously, she's not aware that I have maintained my size Medium frame for 2 years now, and that medium sized stocky frame with  my buxom cleavage and tanklike badonkadonk characteristic of the French Bulldog breed does , in  fact, bring ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!

Obviously....we need to start seeing Dr. Freid again.

Got her!

Yes! We found a roommate! We'll have to call her Vee, because that's what her real name starts with.

Vee is in her early 20's but she's from Italy. Yet again, keeping it International House of Pancakes up in here. I think that her and Ei will get along particularly well. Five minutes after she left, Ei called and told her to come back and bring rent money with her.

We got her security deposit and first month's rent yesterday. Now, we can enjoy the rest of the month without worry.

For the holiday, Bee and I took off to the Midwest Day Spa and Resort. I've already gotten my grass treatments and a massage. Ah, the grass in between my toes feels so good.

I'm also spending quality time with Trinity, Bee's mom's dog.Usually we're on each other's nerves constantly. This time, she seems more peaceful. Or maybe it's me.

Officially worried

Can you believe Cee is leaving us, too? That means only Bee will be left of the original crew that started in this apartment.
For those of you who are new here let's recap (also, check the archives for more detail):

AYE--Was evicted. Too much yelling and screaming and cursing and drama for the rest of the house. Plus she didn't like me for some reason. I never chewed her shoes or pooped on her sheets or anything! She was replaced with Ei, who is still here.

BEE--Still here.

CEE--Moving to Brooklyn. Bought a place. Blowing this pop stand after four years.

DEE--Moved in with London Fling. Will never forgive him for taking her away. Now happily cohabitating in Soho. Not once have I been invited over for a sleepover. Beotches. Replaced by Gi. See below.

EI--See above.

GI--Remember her? The one who played violin and partied all the time? Yeah, it was a short stay. She was replaced by.....

KAY--The newest roommate. Nice . Sweet. Normal. From Long Island. Runs more than Bee. We like her.

But now, we need another roommate to replace Cee, and it's not looking good. Bee has reposted the ad on craigslist.org three times, and the candidates she finds either respond and then don't show up to see the place or are cooks. We need help!

Or else, they're going to make me start stripping to earn rent money.

Love, Globally

Bee's friend, S. , on her new "amoreuse":

"He's Indian. Not like Native American. I mean, ya know....We're talking 'Monsoon Wedding', not 'Braveheart'.

'Ghandi' not 'The Last of the Mohicans'.

'The Namesake' not 'Dances With Wolves.'"

Thanks for making that crystal clear, S.

My momma so hot...

"...she looks like Thelma from Good Times."

--Bee's friend T., on how good looks run in the family.

Last night

Bee: Out!
Cee: Out! On a date!
Dee: Out! With Bee!
Ei: Out!
Kay: Was out, then came back in!

Sunday morning:
Bee: In at four
Cee: In by two, from her date (must have gone well!)
Dee: In by five (went to go get late night snacks with London Fling after dancing with Bee)
Ei: In by one.
Kay: In before midnight.

Saturday night

This is the reason why Bee and I don't leave the apartment on the weekends.

Around midnight, Bee and I went for our last walk of the evening. When we arrived in front of Carmine's, a famous Italian restaurant known for its boat-sized entrees and desserts, we heard voices coming from a white stretch SUV limo. The car's windows were completely black; the rims on all twelve of its wheels were shiny chrome. From the street, you could see the neon light that trailed around the seats of the interior.

"Yo, does ya dawg wanna drink?" a voice with a thick accent yelled. No, I was too busy trying to do my business, thankyouverymuch.

Two dudes, one bald guy relaxing without a drink, another more excited passenger held a bottle of Grey Goose as large as one of Bee's nephews, stuck his head out of the window. Both were from Queens. That's about 40 minutes from the Upper West Side. "Yo! Is that French Bulldog?"

'Yeah," Bee answered. And then the invitation.

"Why dont' you and ya dawg come inside and have a drink with us? C'mon! We're waiting for friends that are eating in Carmine's. So we're hanging out in our ride, yo!" (yes, he really said this.) "Have a drinks with us! Does ya dawg like Grey Goose and cranberry?"

Bee was puzzled. "Why are you sitting in a car outside of the restaurant if your friends are inside?"

"We already ate dinner," Mr. Grey Goose answered, believing his own BS. "And we can't leave the limo alone, ya know?"

He had already poured Bee a Cranberry and vodka and passed her the red colored beverage through the window. Is it illegal to accept alcohol from strangers—especially those sitting in a stretch Navigator—or is it just dangerous?

We left before we could find out. "That's okay, we're good," Bee said.

See? The feeling's mutual

-----Original Message-----
From: Hawker [mailto:Hawker@tzero.com]
Sent: Fri 5/2/2008 11:05 AM
To: Bee
Subject:


"I need some lucy in my life…where is she? How is she? Does she miss me? I’m having withdrawals."

So

Not feeling the fact that my mother has been gone every night this week.

I miss Hawker and J.