Ei

must be dating someone. Here's why:

--she hasn't come home before 11 since April.
--she doesn't wake up before 10.
--she is constantly on the phone, speaking in lovey dovey Hebrew through the biggest Kool-Aid grin I've ever seen while twirling her hair.
--her underwear has gotten a lot smaller and lacier (okay, I can't confirm this but I heeaaaarrrrddd through the grapevine her talking about having to make a run to Victoria's Secret to "restock")

So what it is, Ei? Are you going to bring the guy by so I can approve of him? Give him the Frenchie Ten-Point Inspection? I know, Ei's probably nervous.

But I don't bite. I just lick.

I'm bitter

because Bee didn't take me with her to the Midwest for Memorial Day. Something about when I was there the last time I was such a nuisance, so her mother didn't want me back there.

Bullshit.

The only thing I did was get sick and make a mess on the carpet. Twice.

Whatever , I don't need to be harassed by that lesbian Shiz Tzu Trinity anyway. Instead, I'm at The Dog Walkers in Manhattan during the three-day holiday, chilling in the city, going to the dog run for like two hours a day.

Lovely.

First Dee abandons me. Now my own mother.

Peanut butter and jelly

has got to be the most versatile meal ever. I see Bee Hoover it up all the time. Plus, I love me some PB. Bee gave me a huge PB flavord bone yesterday that took me two days to finish.

But I finished it.

Moving on....yesterday new roommate brought a gang of her buddies over here all for the sole purpose of watching me jump, run and beg for food. What the eff do I look like?? I was trying to get my nod on since I had spent most of the morning at the dog run and here she comes expecting entertainment.

If you want laughs, go rent Weddding Crashers.

Saturday

Number of roommates sleeping here: two, plus yet another houseguest. It's like an Israeli hostel up in here
Number of boxes of cereal on top of the refrigerator: five
Number of boxes of crackers on top of the microwave: two (Swedish fiber crackers and mutligrain Wheat Thins)
Number of bottles of champagne on top of the liquor cabinet: two
Number of pieces of luggage in the foyer: one
Number of reruns of "Sex and the City" Ei and Bee have watched in the last hour and a half: three

It's raining, so Bee and I are inside. Had a great time hanging out earlier today with Bee's friend, Moan, earlier. Wine , grilled calamari, and hummus. I enjoyed every bit.

Including the wine.