I'm going to bite the Next door Neighbor the next time I see him.
We thought the NDN, better known as the asshole with the shady jobs that don't provide benefits who used to be a bodybuilder in his early 20s and bartended his way through Long Island to get enough money to fund his real estate/antique/bagel store/marine equipment business, was out of our lives for good when he moved out of the apartment in March. But back in August, during the time I took a major hiatus from this blog, NDN returned to the city (not living in the place next door, but looking to move back to Manhattan, perhaps downtown) and tried to get back in the saddle with Bee. He said he missed her and asked her out for dinner. Against the wishes of all of Manhattan, Bee went.
She claimed she went to dinner so she could be an evil bitch to him the entire time and tell the 30-year-old nimwit everything he had done wrong--such as dumped her to get back together with his 45-year-old ex-girlfriend. Twice. (when a woman's that old, don't you become a 'womanfriend?' No girl I know had wrinkles like that hag). Bee read NDN the riot act. But then she let him take her out to dinner again. That's when trouble began.
He fed her the same lines YET AGAIN about Bee being so right for him, and being such an amazing woman and how this is a better time in his life and he's cleaning out all of the bad influences in his life. Bee responded, "I don't trust a word you say. You're going to have to work impossibly hard to even get me to like you again. We're talking months and months of work. Are you willing?"
NDN said "Whatever it takes."
Bee demanded: " You've got one time to not do something you said you'd do, not call when you say you'd call, or simply make me question what you've been up to, and you can lose my number. I will be dead to you."
She let him take her dinners and go for walks, she even let him kiss her (against my wishes) and I BELIEVE there was hooking up (they locked me out of the room because NDN knew I would chomp on his Italian sausage if I saw it anywhere NEAR my mommy! Bastard!). He even tried to get on my good side by bringing Greenies every time he came over (you can't buy my love, you swindler!!!!! Sadly, I ate the Greenies anyway...)
After three weeks of dates, NDN went to Chicago on vacation and told her he'd stop by the night before to say goodbye. Not only did he not show, he failed to call Bee when he arrived in the Windy City. He didn't call until two days after he'd been away. She didn't pick up the phone. As she warned, she cut him out of her life, and never though twice about what could have, should, or would have happened had she called back. Bee finally realized the NDN was a no good, lying bum who was too lazy, insecure, and scared to go after the girl--and the dog--next door.
Two weeks later, Bee saw his car pull up in front of their apartments. He apologized for not calling her, explaining he ran late and almost missed his plane Bee's's eyes glazed over at his explanation). Then, NDN dropped the bomb:
"So it looks like I'm moving back next door."
Bee's mouth fell. "What happened to your clean start?"
"Do you know how hard it is to find an apartment in this city?," he said. "It's easier to move back in here."
Bee found his reversal a confirmation of how full of crap he was. There would be no new beginnings for the NDN, just more meandering and living the same shady life around the same shady people he'd always done. And no doubt, we'd probably see him with the haggard ex-girlfriend for the FOURTH time as soon as he moved back. Bee, satisfied with knowing she was undoubtedly correct in the decision to never date him again, simply smiled.
"Welcome back to the neighborhood," she said, and walked away.
