Hot

It won't stop raining here, plus it's hot as hell. Mom won't let me out to play. So I keep sweating through my fur on the couch.

Word

"If a crumb falls in the forest, Lucy will definitely hear it."
--Bee, on the fact that I can always hear when food drops on the kitchen floor, even if I'm outside on the patio. Hey, every home needs a good Hoover.

Who ordered porn?

Another mystery clouds our humble residence:

Bee took a careful look at our cable bill before paying it Wednesday night. She looked at the charges: $102 for the basic cable package with five premium channels and DVR, another $10 each for two extra cable boxes, plus $7 or so in taxes. But at the bottom of the bill where they list the pay-per-view movies purchased for $3.95 each, Bee saw something shocking.

On May 24, someone ordered two Adult Video on Demand packages within six minutes of each other, for a whopping $23.88.

Who in the hell would order porn on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend? At 5:10 in the morning, and again at 5:16 AM?

Bee called Time Warner, and asked for the charges to immediately be taken off of her bill. but instead of the agent looking at her past billing patterns and immediately recognizing that it must have been mistakenly added to her bill, he said:

"Ma'am, we're going to have to pass your inquiry along to our Pay Per View investigative team, to track exactly when the packages were purchased and from which cable boxes in your home."

Are you kidding me?" Bee exclaimed. "You can look at our bills from the past six years and know that nobody has ever purchased porn ever since i've had the account! Why do you have to launch and investigation into whether or not we ordered these!! And who in the hell would order two porn channels within six minutes?!?!?"

"Sorry, ma'am, it's our standard procedure."

"Well, when can I expect to hear from someone?" Bee asked.

"Probably within two days."

Two days later, no one called.

Bee called this morning, and spoke to someone else in customer service that was able to credit the money for the porn back to her account, but the credit won't show up until the next bill. Which means Bee still has to pay for the porn charged to the current bill. Porn she never ordered.

Damn Time Warner.

Daddy dearest

I don't have a father. Well, in the sense that Bee, a.k.a. mommy, doesn't have a significant other, a.k.a daddy, I don't have a father.

But I do have a fantastic grandfather in Bee's Dad.

Every time we go to visit her parents at the Midwest Day Spa and Resort, he always picks us up at the airport. And just after hugging Bee hello, he always looks in my Sherpa Bag for me and says in the most excited voice; 'HEY JOOO-CIIEEE LOO-CEEE!!"

And then, he lets me ride outside of the Sherpa bag in the back seat of his truck. I then perch myself high enough to sit above his left ear so I can see out of the front of the car. He does not tell me to sit back.

He always pets me, picks me up, rubs my belly and gives me treats. And when I'm back in New York, he always asks how I'm doing when he speaks to Bee.

That is love.

Furthermore, he helps my mother with any questions about retirement, real estate, football, taxes or career advice. He also hunts and fishes, neither for animals which are extinct nor which I would seriously see myself dating.

He also paid for Bee's college tuition, went to a bunch of badminton and volleyball tournaments when Bee was in grade school/high school, never judged her boyfriends no matter how inappropriate they were, always encouraged her to do whatever she wanted, taught her how to bait her own hooks and shoot a bow and arrow (she learned how to shoot a gun at Orvis, but put into practice what she learned with her father), made her huge breakfasts every weekend, and still picks her up from the airport every time she comes home. And he pushed her to excel, to be ambitious, to learn about the world around the US, but never forget where you came from. And, he loved Bee's mom. For, like, ever. Seriously, since they were kids. And they've been married 32 years this year.

This is why I don't have a Dad yet...Bee hasn't found one as exceptional as her own to take care of me.

Happy Father's Day.

(p.s., I normally don't include humans on the blog, but this is the best picture I found of me with Bee's dad)

Changes

My goodness. This week alone:

Cee moved out.
The weather topped 90 degrees, after months of below average temperatures.
Ei is moving upstairs.
And Vee is on her way.

My head is spinning. I don't know if I'm confused or dehydrated from the hot and humid temperatures.

Retort

A guest blogger would like to relay a few words.

Lucy,

Since you squashed my stones and made me cry, I am going to keep them and shove them where the sun don't shine the next time you get rough with me!!

Chew on that, home slice.

From,
Trinity, and her five big bladder stones


(Bee's mom thinks I got rough with her because our leashes got tangled at one point and she yelped. I just marked my territory. It's not my fault she's all gentle and wussy.)