Supposedly

I'm going next door tomorrow to hang out with Leo during the day. Bee and I went to the dog run this morning and saw the Next Door Neighbor with his dog. Bee declared she was dropping me off at 9 AM, no if, ands or butts.

He said, "yeah, just throw her over the wall."

What a caring, thoughful babysitter.

My modeling career

So Bee has high hopes of getting me further into doggie modeling. She brainstormed with colleagues yesterday about finding an agent. Seems Bee was told that I would have to follow some basic commands and be able to be calm for at least 30 minutes.

That last one may be tough, especially when there's another dog in the room.

But if I get going as a doggie model, will I have to register as a taxpayer? Will I receive a social security number like most taxpaying citizens? Will I be forced to vote and do jury duty?

Or will Bee just keep the loot in a shoebox?

I guess this means no more pooping on mattresses out of frustration, too.

I need a sweater

I didn't think we made it to Chicago just yet ( I know we have a trip booked for Christmas) but DAMN if it doesn't feel like the Windy City out there today!! I will have to get a parka just to take a dump if it continues to be this cold.

And what's going to happen when we go to Chicago? Will beech mother just let me go on a wee-wee pad?

Good thing that Bee and I spent quality time on the couch this afternoon while Aye went to visit friends in Jersey and Dee went to work (work is for suckers, ha!). Cee , who would still rather hang out with her Spanish companion than play with me, defected to Jersey yesterday.

Thankful

Number of roommates sleeping here: three
Number of Thanksgiving dinners Dee ate: two
Number of pieces of pie Bee ate: two
Number of bottles of wine Aye, Bee and Dee plowed through today: four over an eight hour period.
Number of times Aye called her mother to make sure she was cooking her first Thanksgiving turkey properly: six
Number of dollars Bee spent on dinner tonight: ninety (plus another forty for two pies, whipped cream and cups for the afterparty at a friend's apartment post-dinner).

And, now, I will rattle off the things that I am most thankful for:

--that Bee always walks and feeds me even when she's very drunk or super hungover
--that Dee will love me no matter what wrong I do in the apartment
--that Bee gives me Greenies!
--the 7 other Frenchies that live on this block.
--that Bee hasn't evicted me yet although I deserved it on so many occasions.
--peanut butter
--chicken
--Louis (mmm, yeah!)

And most of all, I'm thankful Bee brought me into her world that fateful day last March. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have so much fun.

Monday

It's official. Bee kicked the latest boy to the curb. Remember that one that she took me to visit about a month ago? And I thought he was going to work out since he let me sleep on the couch! Damn!

Today was the first day of Bee's vacation! Boy did we have a good one. We went to the dog run for two hours this morning!! I usually don't take more than a 20 minute walk when Bee has to go to work.

And just like Saturday, we ran into the neighbor and his dog, Leo. I must admit, I find Leo attractive, but I know it kills Bee to be even pleasant to this man. Yet since I was lovestruck and spent most of my time sniffing Leo's goodies, conversation couldn't help but ensue between those two.

They talked. For nearly an hour.

He even asked if she wanted to grab a "harmless drink."

She rolled her eyes, dumbstruck at the audacity. But then, Bee thought, she may not have any suitors between now and the biggest party night of the year, Thanksgiving Eve. Maybe she SHOULD take him up on the drink...

I say at least take him up on the free babysitting offer.

Sunday

(yes, I've been gone for a while. Damn Bee won't let me out of this cage. She's too busy partying to give me any sort of computer access. Anyway, let's catch up.)

Number of roommates sleeping here: four
Number of foreigners sleeping here: none, London Fling left yesterday
Number of pissed off roommates sleeping here: two
Number of pissed off roommates that won't be sleeping here much longer come March: one (we hope, we pray, but we still haven't gotten confirmation from Aye's company.)
Number of pissed off roommates contemplating my eviction from the apartment: one
Number of bottles of wine open in the apartment: three
Number of doggies in a crate because she started chewing on something she shouldn't have: one

I'm in trouble again. Aye bought a new rug home after I trashed the old one (peed on it a couple of times, chewed the ends, etc.) And although Bee told me not to fuck it up, I went ahead and started chewing on it anyway. And it snagged.

Life span of rug: 4 hours
Life span of anything new brought into the house: less than 24 hours.

Bee now has me confined to the crate and may not let me see the light of day if she continues to fight with Aye about apartment property that I've ruined. I didn't know that piece of shit rug would snag if I licked it. I was busy cleaning my paws and accidentally got the rug caught in my teeth!

Bee's not buying it. Hell, she's not even looking at me. I'm screwed.

Monday

Number of roommates sleeping here: one
Number of boys from another country sleeping here: none
Number of boys from this country sleeping here: none
Number of roommates that mingled with the rich and famous tonight wearing a borrowed dress and $20 shoes: one
Number of times said roommate will ever attend an event without getting her own dress first: none

Number of walks I got before six today: three!! yay, Aye loves me!!!

Number of words I can type before falling asleep......

Ice cream

Overheard in the living room:
Dee's London Fling emerged from the cave long enough to smoke a cigarette. London Fling offered to get ice cream for Bee, but she declined. Two minutes later, Dee came up and said she wanted ice cream. LF asked her what she wants. Dee said "something yummy and gooey, like an ice cream Snickers Bar."

Bee opted for a regular ice cream sandwich.

LF hit the deli and came back with two ice cream bars and a fruit pop for himself.

Dee looked disappointed. "What?" LF asked.

"I wanted yummy and gooey."
"That is!"
"This isn't yummy and gooey!! A SNICKERS BAR is yummy and gooey!!"

LF turned off and returned back to deli.

"NOOOOOO,,,,you don't have to go. I'll eat the ice cream bar."

"I'm going. I'll be back with a Snickers. It's okay."

Two minutes later, he returned, Snickers bar in hand.

Dude, she's got him that whipped in just a week's time. Many would be willing to pay $49.99 per session to learn how they, too can whoop their man into shape using decks highly effective approach.

Square

Talk about a party I WISH I would have attended:

"With cognac and champagne flowing freely, rappers sporting diamonds and gold "grills" on their teeth mingled peacefully, although they had to pass through metal detectors to enter and police and security guards were plentiful."--Associated Press

Where in the world is this AP reporter, you ask? At this year's VIBE awards, held Saturday in Los Angeles. Unlike last year, when Dr. Dre almost got cut by anohter partygoer, no one got stabbed this year.

I'm pooped

Bee took me to the dog run this morning in an attempt to exhaust me into hibernation for the rest of the day. It worked. I'm so tired.

Although I'm barely awake enough to write a post, I'll update y'all on the news everyone is sitting on the edge of their seat in anticipation of...

Aye will not hear about the California position until after Thanksgiving, as management still has to conduct interviews.

Damn.

Thursday

Number of roommates sleeping here: two (or maybe three, if Dee would make it home from Va-Ca-Shun with London Fling)
Number of magazines in Bee's room: six
Number of celebrity tabloids in Bee's room: four
Number of products in Bee's grab bag from Wednesday night's event: 30
Number of Christmas gifts Bee saved herself from buying by attending Wednesday's event: five
Number of mini champagne bottles Bee chilled in the fridge for a nightcap: one

So I made a boo-boo. I pooped in my crate. I couldn't help it. Bee left me in there for close to 12 hours. That's animal cruelty. Where's that DAMN DOG WALKER?!?!

i'm really going crazy in this house without having the freedom to roam throughout the day. It's not like I'm really going to eff something up if they just let me have access to the main room during the day. All I want to do is sleep on the couch, is that too much to ask?

Oh, dog hair, they say. Put a damn throw rug down!!

And why haven't we heard if Aye got that California job yet?

5 pounds

That's how much Bee wants to lose by Thanksgiving. Mind you, most people don't lose weight only to eat like heifers on that thankful Thursday. But hey, to each his own.

Today, Aye claimed it was "too nice to work." Therefore, she spent all of her day at Central Park. Then she spent two hours at the gym, while Cee and Bee spent about that much time kvetching about work and brainstorming ways to save the world. Wonder what Bee's got to do to get Aye's gig.

Would be much nicer on me if Bee could have more flexible hours. Then I could get my daytime groove on with Louis down the street.

Dee is still on her New York vacation with London Fling. They're holed up in some hotel in midtown. I think I heard the bedsprings squeaking all the way uptown.

Hell froze over

Well after my daily pleas for Aye to recognize that I like to stretch my legs during the day, she finally showed me some love. Seems that she worked from home today (I have my suspicions why, I'll get to that in a moment), and let me out on the patio to play while she typed away at her computer.

Ah, it felt so nice. The warm sun on my black tushie. The breeze in my short, black mane.

And here's why I think she worked from home. Around 4:30 or five in the morning, I heard a man's voice from downstairs. And I know it wasn't Dee and her London Fling , because they had already left for his hotel early Sunday night. I SUSPECT, as Dee and Bee have already, that Aye had a former flame downstairs. A former, deadbeat, pot smoking, good for nothing but a hook up flame.

Moreover, Aye did not discuss one measly fact of last night, when otherwise she would have dished every detail about the night.
Giving me a sense that my doggie intuition is correct....

WORK

So it's 10 PM, and I think Bee has had seven glasses of wine since 1 PM today. Along the way, she's mumbled something about not wanting to go to work tomorrow, needing to get paid more, something about eating too much and something else about the boy not calling her.

I just tried to keep my head low and not cause too much trouble. Of course you know I couldn't do that. Bee threatened to sell me again after I bit her friend M's hair.

Oh, and Cee is here, back from her trip to the South. But of course, so is her boyfriend. Her door is shut, her boy is inside. And I'm on the couch. Hrmph!

But maybe I'm just jealous because they never come out and play with me.

Sunday

Number of roommates who slept here last night: two
Number of roommates who slept alone here last night: one
Number of foreigners sleeping here: one
Number of bottles of wine on the kitchen counter: two
Number of pairs of shoes Aye has stacked on the bookcase in the foyer: four
Number of magazines on the coffee table/kitchen table: seven

Must say that Dee has bee absolutely GLOWING since the London Fling landed here Friday. I like the guy. He's very warm, friendly, with a smile as big as Texas. Or Harrod's. Or whatever the Brits call big.

I think I was a bit overzealous when I went to give him a kiss and ended up biting his face. Poor thing had a bloody scratch right before they were leaving for dinner. I guess I can bee too aggressive at times.

Don't know where I get that behavior being that Bee is so passive she won't even call her boy to say hello. She waits and waits and waits for boy to call her , then bitches when he doesn't call her when she expects. As if her fingers are incapable of dialing HIS number.

Four days

I know , you all probably thought Bee went ahead and sold me like she's been threatening to do for months. I almost gave her a reason to Friday morning, when I woke up at 5 AM asking to be walked. So she popped me on the patio, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted to roam. I wanted to meet people. And I wanted to do it before the sun had fully risen.

Bee wasn't having that. She was hung over after staying out until midnight with that boy she met a few weeks ago. (I still haven't seen him since I went to spend the night a few weeks back. I think his lazy ass needs to make it uptown, but I digress...)

So I tried to get Bee out of bed to play. She pushed me off the side of the bed. I jumped, and jumped to get on top of her, but her damn bed sits on top of those bed lifters so it's two feet higher than average.

I instead decided to race around her room, pounding on the floor so loud that it sounds like an earthquake to Aye, who sleeps below Bee. Bee jumped up and tried to shush me, but I didn't care. I was MAD, and AWAKE!! And I wanted exercise NOW!!

"Shut up!" Bee yelled, which made me just pounce louder. Bee grew even more pissed because she knew the noise would surely wake Aye, and then she'd come upstairs and start yelling. And Bee didn't feel like dealing.

Sure enough, just after Bee got so furious she picked me up and threw me on her bed in an effort to shut me up, Aye pounded up the stairs and wailed, "Can you please quiet the dog down, PLEASE."

Can't blame her for being annoyed. But that's beyond the point. I got my ass up on the bed! I finally figured out what it takes to get up there! Obnoxious behavior to the point of disturbing the entire house! THAT's the most important thing.

Ah, snuggling under that nice warm down comforter was like heaven. And I showed my appreciation by giving Bee a nice wet kiss on the lips before I dozed off. Thanks, mom.

burnt

Now I hate to gossip....eh who am I kidding..
So this morning, Cee had to get up early to catch a flight to New Orleans. I heard her rumbling in the kitchen, getting her stuff together, when all of a sudden I heard the door open. I figured maybe it was her BF leaving the house.

But no. Then, I heard giggling, as if someone had been caught.

Someone had. Aye was doing the walk of shame home at 6 AM on a Tuesday morning!!! I mean, who the eff rolls home that late on a MONDAY night?!

Even more proof that this alledged event occurred...

When Bee woke up at 7, she saw a gold purse and keys on the kitchen countertop, both of which were not there when she went to bed at 11. Ah, you gotta love someone who has the energy to party like it's 1999 on a Monday night.

Or, you gotta be hatefully jealous of someone who has the kind of lame ass job where you can say, I'm done at 4 PM, even when you're WORKING WITH YOUR MANAGER ALL DAY.